“Being Single is not EASY”
July 9, 2008
Recently I began to think about relationships and why they work or do not work. Before I get to my theory as to why relationships work let me say this, Being Single is not Easy! Some are of the opinion that being single is the best, but from my vantage point it seems to be tricky and adversarial at best.
You see, I was married for 15 years and dated my ex-wife for 3 years. So I was involved with one person for 18 years, most of my adult life. And now that I’m single this is a brave new world with unlimited possibilities, I thought. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I have been raising 2 kids for the past 3 years and they are both teenagers now. Can someone scream with me or scream for me? My kids believe my world revolves around them, wrong. If you are single with kids and interested in being involved with someone, I address obstacle #1. Your kids are not your world! If you put them 1st in all aspects of your life you will be a lonely individual.
Obstacle #2: You have to move on from past hurts or failures in previous relationships. If you do not move on you will hinder or even cripple any future relationship possibilities.
Obstacle #3: You need a good hobby that puts you in contact with other people. Being a recluse will not help you find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
Obstacle #4: Determine that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. If that means being with someone then just do it.
Obstacle #5: Develop a network of family and friends and be engaging, energetic and fun loving. The larger your network the larger your chances of finding the right person to fall in love with.
These are just a few of my thoughts about getting out of the rut of feeling sorry for yourself because you are single. Being single can be great but it can be hard work also, just look at the obstacles you need to overcome.
Now let’s talk briefly as to why relationships work or fail for that matter. Since I have been single I have met 4 types of women.
#1. I don’t need anyone (Lying to themselves for whatever reason) thus making any future relationship difficult to start.
#2. I need to get married now. You scared off the person, his or her dog, cat, friends, family etc.
#3. It’s my way or the highway and I’m about to hit the highway my dear. As we say in New Orleans, “Ya heard me?”
#4. You think being single is hard, try being married.
In closing, I do not fancy myself as any expert, but I will say this, experience has taught me to be open minded, selfless and selfish, adventurous, sensitive to timing, compassionate and ever learning, reinventing myself and growing as a person. How do you have a good fulfilling relationship? Read the closing statement one more time.
“Being Single is not EASY”