Find the right mate

Having someone with whom to share your dream is irreplaceable,
my friend. This creates the environment for love and growth.
Amos 3:3 states “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”
You will never build your dream with someone who is unwilling
to support and agree with that dream. He or she will be your polar
opposite and drain the energy and desire to see your dream come
to fruition. So many dreams are dead because of an adversarial
marriage or relationship. I recommend the book “Getting Ready
for Marriage” by Jerry D. Hardin and Dianne C. Sloan. In it, the
authors discuss three types of love: The first is emotional love:
“Emotional-love is the feelings of being in love, which at times
predominate over rational thought. Our feelings of love are conditional,
and feelings can change.” I believe this level of love gets
us into the most trouble, because you love the way your partner
looks, and looks change, my friend. This puppy love feeling will
not last forever and when it is gone, what will you have to hold on
to? These emotions cannot last forever and do not allow us to focus
consistently. Because of this emotional rollercoaster, our ability to
focus on other things is impaired.
The second type of love discussed by Hardin and Sloan is
friendship love: “Friendship-love is the intimate and affectionate
support of one another. A friend is your needs answered and
your life shared.” This level of love taps into the core of what you
would like to accomplish in life, and a true friend will have your
back no matter the situation or obstacle.
The final type of love, according to Hardin and Sloan, is commitment
love: “Commitment-love is a pledge binding one to another.
A covenant for the rest of your life, faithful and permanent:
that is Commitment-love.”
Over the past 18 years, I have been in a few serious relationships,
during which some of my partners fought against a number of
things I wanted to accomplish in life. Whether it was to finish college
before making any other major life decisions or deciding where
we wanted to reside, opposition was not far from reach. We agreed
to build our savings, yet somehow the funds would be used for
other reasons. One of my partners decided she did not want to work
anymore, and told me not to count her money. She never truly supported
me when I was the pastor of a church, and, on some levels,
did things to sabotage my ministry such as coming late to worship
services, wearing inappropriate clothing, saying negative things to
parishioners and generally trying to make me uncomfortable in my
dream to pastor and teach the people of God. This behavior made for
a very unfulfilling relationship. The wrong mate can be a complete
embarrassment to your image. Nighty-five percent of self-made millionaires
live in married households. Find the right mate!
“25 Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall
rejoice in time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with
wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27
She watches over the ways of her household, And does
not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up
and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises
her: 29 “ Many daughters have done well, But you excel
them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be
praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let
her own works praise her in the gates.”
(Proverbs 31:25-31)
Devin Oten
DO Enterprises
Writer, Public Speaker and Philanthropist